9/11 and Beyond:
How to Expand our Capacity to Handle Stress
By
Bobbi Lambert, Ph.D.
(Feature article: Travel Counselor Magazine, March/April 2002)
Life was stressful before September 11, 2001. At least, mine was. Work was hectic; I was burning out, and reluctant to take time for myself. My children and ninety-year-old mother needed me. There didn’t seem to be enough time or energy to manage it all. Was I alone in this or were you also feeling the stress of living in the economically challenging and fast-paced 21st Century?
And then, the unexpected happened. The page of the calendar turned to September 11th and life as we knew it was altered dramatically. I remember sitting and staring at the images on the television. I was numb. It was difficult to absorb the violence, hatred, and death. It was difficult to know what it meant, where it would lead, or how to think about it.
The anxiety started to build, questions forced their way into my mind. I could feel the demands of life calling and wondered how I would respond. What would "normal" look like? What would the "fallout" be? Is my business secure? Would I feel safe again?
Stress: What It Is
The stress, grief, and loss of America were overwhelming. People came together to talk about their concerns and fears in workplaces across the country. Understanding stress, the symptoms and remedies were on the minds of many. Many questioned how they would make it through. Stress is described as the gap between expectations and reality, and that gap stretched in one day beyond our wildest imagining.
Stress is also seen as a demand, a need to react or respond even when we don’t know what to do. There is the general stress of our everyday lives, which can be the result of both positive and negative demands. There is cumulative stress that comes from unresolved conflict, grief and loss and the continuing effects of untreated, previous traumatic events. It’s hard to know what will be the "last straw", what will push us beyond where we’ve been and how much stress we can manage successfully.
Finally, there is traumatic stress that is the result of experiencing an event with a real or perceived threat to one’s life. 9/11 had all the elements of traumatic stress. In the terrorist attacks, the surprise and shock of the sights and sounds we saw on television, the grief, despair and loss of others was overwhelming. For some, the losses were more personal or came from our own close calls. Perhaps you or someone you loved were almost in New York on that day, or like Robert Redford, were booked on a flight that crashed but changed plans at the last minute.
This trauma pushed many of us into feelings of powerlessness, depression or feeling that life had just spun out of control. Many people are struggling to manage the increased demands they are finding at work as the economy takes a financial down turn. For many, old ways of coping are no longer working. For some, the stress they are now under is outstripping their ability to cope. That stress takes many forms.
Stress is experienced on physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual dimensions. Physically, people experience changes in sleep patterns or find themselves more susceptible to illness because of the toll stress takes on the immune system. Mentally, people experience more forgetfulness or have difficulty concentrating. Emotionally, people feel more anxious, experience "the blues" or feel downright irritable. Spiritually, people question God and the meaning and direction of their lives.
At the same time we are trying to cope with the effects of stress, we are confused by what changed and what it means. It is important to understand and grasp what has changed, so that we can get a sense for what we need to do differently.
A Different Reality
Some days I wake up and it seems that nothing has changed; other days nothing seems the same. The world has gotten much smaller. We now know what life is like for the people of Afghanistan. They are in our minds and in the news daily. What happens in their country is very relevant to what happens in ours. Before 9/11, I didn’t think of Afghanistan at all.
We are a country at war, no longer a people who take peace and freedom for granted. Businesses and industries that use to thrive now suffer. And businesses that were struggling are now thriving. Workers, whose jobs were secure, no longer are. A future that seemed certain, no longer is.
There are people who were living close to the financial edge that have fallen off that cliff. There are people who use to spend freely and travel often that no longer do. There are many for who work was their passion. That passion is gone. There are those that spent more time at work than with family but no longer do. Choices we made without question, we now question. Priorities we once set no longer seem that important.
At work, people are worried. Teamwork has suffered, as the work environment gets more competitive. Diversity is setting some people apart rather than bringing them together. I personally have re-thought every area of my life since 9/11. We are scaling back at work, doing more with less. The needs of people around me, personally and professionally, have shifted and increased, and I’m struggling to meet their changing needs and my own.
And yet, I believe that every dark cloud has a silver lining and each crisis we face provides opportunities for growth and positive change. It is true that we cannot change what has happened or control world events but we can decide what we want to do and how we want to respond personally.
Attitude Check
Attitude is a core component of stress management. Charles Swindoll, a pastor and teacher said, "Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, or say or do. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. Life is 10% what happens and 90% attitude."
I don’t believe there has been a time when our attitude is more important. When work slowed down, I knew I could choose to worry or focus on the actions I could control, and reduce my anxiety. In the meantime, I spent much needed time with loved ones and writing. The choice was mine.
This Thanksgiving my daughter and her family decided to spend the holiday in Lake Tahoe- my attitude wasn’t the greatest! I felt hurt and sad. I realized that was their choice. Then I thought about the other members of my family that would be here, the more intimate size of the group, and realized there would be less work for the cook (me). I knew there was another way I could look at the holiday, and it helped.
It’s important to ask yourself how much weight you place on attitude. Think of examples of how your attitude has positively or negatively affected you lately, or, of how the attitudes of others affect you. You might want to take a few minutes to reflect on some examples and choices from your own life. You may be pleasantly surprised to realize the importance of attitude and the power of choice in managing stress.
One attitude that is particularly useful at this time is a non-judgmental one! It’s a good time to silence those inner judges and critics that we often use against others and ourselves. Our priorities, what we value and believe will shift and eventually we will adjust to a new way of life. We can be informed without being paranoid and we can be alert without being paralyzed. We can and do grow from pain.
Trust your Intuition
Intuitively we each know what causes and reduces stress in our lives. However, we don’t always listen to ourselves or do what’s best. If you want to know, it can be as simple as taking the time to listen to your own inner voice. Keep in mind that what works for you may not work for others. Being honest with yourself, and following your own advice, is what counts.
Two examples come to mind from my own life. I love to cook and my best friend doesn’t. One day, after a very stressful day of work, I came home and baked some cookies. It was therapeutic and relaxing, and sharing the cookies with friends that find baking stressful, felt great. I love to write and keep a journal, especially valuable in these times. It makes my days go better. My friend finds writing in journals stressful not relaxing, like an unwanted school assignment that she has to do.
Finding out what works for you, may take some experimentation. Try some new hobbies or start new projects. Until you start, you won’t know how it feels. This is a good time to take control in ways that you can, while letting the things you can’t control become less important.
Avoid people, events, and activities that irritate you. Gravitate towards people and activities that don’t. Take the time to connect with others, at home and work, in meaningful ways. Talk about your anxieties to people who want to listen. Seek the advice of people you respect. Take time to finish unfinished business. Read inspirational books. And seek help if you need to.
Many of these suggestions are self-nurturing in nature. Listen to yourself. Trust yourself. Somewhere inside, the answers you need await you. By taking care of yourself and being kind to yourself, you will become stronger, more resilient to stress, and better able to respond to whatever comes next.
Side bar:
Maintaining Productivity and Caring for people: A Checklist for Managers
(Source: Managed Health Network, used with permission)
Brief Bio
Dr. Lambert is the President of Confidante, Inc. Dr. Lambert has worked with employers interested in the on-site management of stress, change, trauma, and violence. She is an expert in mediation to resolve interpersonal and business conflicts to prevent traumatic events or costly litigation.